4 episodes
Aired between 16th January 1965 and 6th February 1965
Written by Dennis Spooner
Produced by Verity Lambert
Directed by Christopher Barry
Synopsis
The TARDIS falls off a cliff and everyone is knocked out...
Don't worry though, they all recover and spend the next month relaxing in a villa in ancient Rome....No, seriously, they do!
Vicki and Barbara even act like good housemaids and go to the market for wares, taking in the sights and sounds of the Roman empire. Vicki doesn't seem to have got the hang of haggling yet though (she must have missed the Life of Brian). In fact, Vicki is downright bored and wants adventure.
Lucky for her then that two slave traders are in town and have their eye on the girls. They visit the stalls and gather information on them, finding out that the TARDIS crew have set themselves up in as house sitters for Flavius Giscard, a Roman currently on campaign in Gaul. The Slavers leave the market, and shortly after, so does a travelling Lyre player by the name of Maximus Pettulian.
Maximus is on the road out of the village when he is set upon by a bandit, dragged in the bushes and killed.
Back at the Villa, the group enjoy a fantastic banquet cooked by Barbara that includes local delicacies such as peacocks breast and ants eggs.
Ian suggests that they should retrieve the TARDIS from the bottom of the cliff, but the Doctor gets grumpy about it, saying they worry too much. In fact, he intends to leave for a couple of days to Rome, if only to get away from Ian and Barbara. Vicki pleads with the Doctor to take her with him, in the hope that they will find some adventure on the way. The Doctor isn't happy about it, but agrees.
Ian and Barbara are left on their own, and share some close moments horsing around together (and probably more, but this is a kids show).
As they relax, the villa is suddenly stormed by the Slave Traders who capture Ian and Barbara at sword point.
On their way to Rome, the Doctor and Vicki stumble across the dead body of Maxmus Pettulian, who it has to be said, looks remarkably like the Doctor. Before they can leave the scene of the crime, the pair spot a Centurion searching bushes nearby. The Doctor takes the Lyre and asks the Centurian what he's looking for, It turns out that the Centurian is looking for him - Maximus Pettulian, the greatest Lyre player in all the Roman Empire. Pettulian was due to head to the Imperial Court to play for the Emperor Nero, but decided to walk there instead, playing for the villages that he passed through.
The Doctor eagerly plays up to the role of Pettulian and convinces Vicki to travel with him as his assistant.
Ian and Barbara have been led away from the village, and are tied to a wagon whilst the traders sell some of their newly acquired slaves. Their customer wants to buy Barbara, but the traders refuse, saying she is bound for Rome. The traders settle a price and sell on two men and Ian. As he is carried away, Ian vows to Barbara to look for her in Rome.
That night, the Centurion meets with the bandit who killed Pettulian and shouts at him for messing the job up, as clearly Pettulian still lives. The Centurion gives the dumb bandit (dumb because he's had his tongue cut out) one final chance to earn the coins the Centurion promised him.
Under the cover of darkness, the bandit steals his way into Pettulian's quarters, with his steel sword at the ready.
As the assassin goes to strike, the Doctor blocks his blow with the Lyre and proceeds to beat him up, until Vicki turns up and chases the assassin out of the window. The Doctor is offended by her help and certainly seemed to be having the time of his life engaging in "the delicate art of fisticuffs". Despite Vicki's protests, the Doctor says that he's going to continue pretending to be Maximus.
Barbara and the slaves reach Rome, and are thrown in some cages. Barbara looks after an aging woman who the slaver says is going to the Circus as she'll be no good at auction.
Ian has been taken on board a Roman ship and is held as a galley slave, being forced to row across the sea next to his new slave friend: Delos. The pair come up with a lame plan to escape which fails, and they are forced to get back to rowing the ship, this time, twice as hard.
Barbara is approached by a noble Roman called Tavius who offers to buy her. The slaver refuses the private sale and tells him that he will have to bid like everyone else.
That night, a terrible storm rages across the sea, and as the ship rocks, the galley master is thrown to the slaves, who manage to overpower him and escape their chains as the ship takes on water and sinks. Ian awakes later on shore safe and sound thanks to Delos. They break their chains and make their way to Rome to find Barbara.
The Doctor and Vicki finally arrive at Rome. Vicki asks what the gathering in the market square is about, but the Doctor recognises it as a slave market and hurries Vicki along to avoid explanations. As they leave, Barbara is pushed onto the podium and is sold for 10,000 sesterces to none other than Tavius. When she is delivered to Tavius, he tells her that he bought her because he saw she was kind and would make a good servant for the Emperor's wife (he's in charge of buying the slaves for the imperial house). He says that he can't give her freedom, but here she will be treated fairer than anywhere else.
Barbara is grateful to Tavius but makes it clear that she intends to escape. Tavius understands, but warns her that if she's caught, it will mean her death.
A servant comes into the room and tells Tavius that Maximus Pettulian has arrived. Tavius leaves to see the musician and cryptically beckons the Doctor over when he sees him. The Doctor and Vicki curiously approach, and Tavius whispers that the problem they had has been dealt with, and they have put him in the Apodyterium. The Doctor nods his head, but doesn't understand what the flippin' heck Tavius is on about.
At that moment, Emperor Nero walks in, chewing a chicken drumstick. He is introduced to Maximus Pettulian, and demands that the Lyre player performs there and then. The Doctor says that he wants Nero to play first, so he can take inspiration from it. Nero plays a little, and the Doctor says that he can't possibly play to that standard. Nero is flattered and says that they will play together when they have eaten and practiced.
Ian and Delos arrive in Rome and begin to search for Barbara, only to be captured for looking like escaped slaves.
The Doctor and Vicki search the Apodyterium and find the dead body of the Centurion who they met on the road to Rome. They ponder what this could mean.
Ian and Delos are thrown in a cage and told to be happy about it, most recaptured slaves are killed outright. They are bound to go to the arena as gladiators where they will at least get a chance to live. Ian asks what they will be fighting, only to be answered by the nearby roar of a lion.
In the corridors of power, the Doctor is called over by Tavius and told that the body of the Centurion has been dealt with. It's obvious that Maximus and Tavius were in a conspiracy together. Vicki is uninterested and decides to explore the palace.
Whilst ordering a banquet for Maximum Pettulian to play to, Tavius brings in Barbara to introduce her to the Empress Poppaea. The Empress see's Nero's eyes bulging out of his head and sends him off to finish his plans for the banquet. When he's gone, Poppaea quietly warns Barbara not to get any ideas about becoming Empress herself.
As Barbara gets to work, Nero creeps back to have a bit of fun with Barbara and proceeds to chase her around the corridors like Benny Hill. He eventually corners her, and the pair are discovered by Poppaea.
Meanwhile, Vicki comes across Locusta: the palace poisoner. She explains that her job is to make poisons for people who want to assassinate someone. Vicki quickly hides as someone enters the poisoners chamber. It's Poppaea who has decided to take care of her new servant girl by having her poisoned. As Poppaea takes Locusta to point the slave out, Vicki decides to poison Nero himself by switching the intended cups.
Later in the day, Nero catches up to Barbara in the banqueting hall and gives her a gold bracelet, expecting a kiss in return.
Barbara avoids the deed by proposing a toast instead. Nero agrees and watches Barbara drink hers. She catches Poppaea suspiciously watching them and quickly takes her leave of the Emperor.
Just arriving at the banquet, Vicki tells the Doctor about her day and how she matter-of-fact decided to poison Nero instead. The Doctor is angry and reiterates that they cannot interfere with the course of history. He rushes to find Nero and stops him drinking just in time.
As the banquet gets underway, Tavius whispers in the Doctor's ear that he should delay his plan until tomorrow. That's fine by the Doctor, seeing as he has no idea what Tavius is on about.
Nero orders Maximus Pettulian to play, and the Doctor stands. He announces that he's composed such a performance, that only those with the most sensitive and cultured ears will be able to hear it. He begins to pretend to pluck the instrument (because he can't play the Lyre to save his life - literally). and everyone in the room goes along with the joke, not wanting to look like they can't hear the music.
The performance ends with roaring applause and Nero leaves the banquet upset. He soon cheers up though when he comes up with a plan to have Maximus Pettulian perform in the arena, and then get attacked by Lions. As he enters his room, Nero see's Barbara again and whisks her away with him to the arena to watch some gladiator fights to calm him down.
Back in the cage, Ian and Delos are told to suit up, as they'll be fighting each other for the pleasure of Nero. Delos kindly promises that if he wins, he'll kill Ian quickly.
Nero explains his plan for Maximus to the slave master, and begins to watch Ian and Delos fight. Much to Batbara's horror, Ian is disarmed and Delos raises his sword. Luckily for Ian, Delos chooses not to kill him quickly, but to attack Nero instead. Guards turn up and stop Delos, but Ian helps him and together they escape. His parting words to Barbara are that he;ll come back for her. Nero hears this and decides to use her as bait to recapture them.
In their absence, Poppaea orders Tavius to kick Barbara out of the Palace. Barbara returns distraught and tells Tavius of Ian's plan to rescue her. He reassures her that it will be alright because she's to go anyway. Barbara cheers up and tell Tavius of Nero's plan for Maximus Pettulian.
Tavius goes off to find the Doctor and Vicki, coming across them looking at Nero's plans for the city. The Doctor doesn't seem the slightest bit concerned, even when Tavius points out that the plan was for Maximus Pettulian to assassinate Nero, and that the attempt should be moved up to tonight. As they talk, Nero turns up and explains that he wants Maximus to play at the arena. The Doctor responds jovially with puns about Lions.
Whilst they are talking, the Doctor holds his glasses behind his back, and through the sun, accidentally sets fire to the city plans. Nero is furious and orders Maximus to be taken away, but then suddenly calls him a genius, explaining that he'll burn Rome to the ground to make way for his new vision of the city.
That night, Nero summons a load of vagrants to the Palace. Ian and Delos sneak in with them. Nero throws them money and gives them orders to burn Rome to the ground. As he's talking, Tavius arrives and ushers Ian and Delos into the Palace. He explains how he wants to help Ian and Barbara get out of here and successfully reunites Ian with Barbara. Using the vagrants as cover again, Ian and Barbara escape back to the villa, and Delos joins the men in the burning.
The Doctor and Vicki, knowing what's coming up also decide to make a quick exit and watch the fires from a distance. Vicki jokes about the fact that the Doctor was never mentioned in the history books as the man who gave Nero the idea to burn Rome. The Doctor is angry at the insinuation, but then realises that perhaps time can be affected after all.
Ian and Barbara get back to the villa before The Doctor and Vicki and enjoy some more "relaxing".
When the Doctor and Vicki return, they accuse the other two of being bone idle and don't let them get a word in edgeways.
Having had enough rest (according to the Doctor), the group get back in the TARDIS and leave. Once in flight, Vicki asks where they're going next, and is dubious when Ian and Barbara joke about the Doctor not being able to fly the ship.
As Vicki and Barbara go to get changed, the Doctor explains to Ian that he's concerned. A strange force has rematerialised the TARDIS and is pulling it down. "Yes, but down to where?" Ian asks. He should have just read the title of the next story.
Trivia
- Derek Francis was the first professional actor to proactively ask to be on Doctor Who. He was given the part of Nero.
- It's supposedly Verity Lambert who gave David Whitaker the idea to put this historical story out as a comedy.
What worked
- Again, we get a pleasant version of the Doctor (on the whole), and the fact that this story is meant as a comedy means that we get to see Willaim Hartnell playing a role he was never allowed to play in anything before.
- The BBC had a vast collection of props from their historical programmes, so these were always set up very well. The Romans is no exception, apart from the size of the gladiators arena, but you know, a TV studio is only so big.
- The little one liners and mannerisms that the Doctor is given are really good. Like the bit where he calls Ian Chesterfield and when Barbara corrects him with the words Chesterton, the Doctor idly says that Barbara is calling him.
- Finally, when we get to see Ian and Barbara lounging about at the villa, there's just no doubt whatsoever that they are now a couple.
What didn't work
- The lines William Hartnell has to learn aren't all that hard in this one compared to later episodes, but they are obviously a struggle for him to deliver effectively.
- Come to think of it, the delivery of everyone's lines in this story are a bit off. They are too staged, with numerous people hesitating as they wait for the person they are speaking to, to deliver their lines.
- Although I like the jovial Doctor, the constant "ha ha, ho ho, hmmm? te he, ha ah" doesn't half get irritating.
- That fire at the end is the biggest advertisement of running out of budget
Overall feelings
If you go into this story with the idea that it was going to be like the Aztecs, or the Reign of Terror (as most viewers did in 1965), then you're going to think of this story with less favour than perhaps you should. For much of the first two episodes, the banter between the cast was no different to the joking around with the chain gang in the Reign of Terror. It's episode 3 that takes a plunge into the deep end and goes all out for a farce.
As mentioned in the Trivia, this farcical interpretation was intentional. The production team were experimenting with how far they could take the show into that farcical territory and get away with it. unfortunately for them, nobody let the Audience in on the joke. After the show, the team got less than complimentary feedback from the viewers and decided that it was a step too far. I have no idea what Sidney Newman thought of it, but it's about as far from his original educational history brief as you can get!
The thing is, in 2015, we are in on the joke, and the whole thing looks different. There's some genuinely funny moments in the story, and apart from a couple of occasions where Dennis Spooner over egged the pudding (like the joke about Barbara smashing Ian over the head with a vase), the whole thing works rather well.
Another nice thing to note is that this story is a whirlwind tour of all the things you expect to see in a Roman story, Lions, courtly intrigue, banquets, slaves, gladiators, and Nero fiddling whilst Rome burns. It's a shame then that the bits of the story that should have been suitably epic are just highlighted as being god awful because the budget wasn't there. We get a banquet where people are all sat neatly at a table, and we get an arena the size of a shoebox.
Rating
7 out of 10
A fun story, good props and costumes and almost no incidental music or sound effects required. The downside comes from its ambition showing in all the wrong places.
Rewatchability Factor
8 out of 10
If you can put up with the Doctor's forced laughter, then this is quite a fun one to come back to.
- Just about all of Patrick Troughton's run of Doctor Who
- The Fires of Pompeii (Doctor Who Series 4)
Consulting the Matrix
Did the farce work for you, or do you think that this should have always been a serious episode?
